Sometimes, after interacting with some people, you just feel drained. You don't know what it is but somehow having them in your life seems to drain the life force out of you. You probably have a toxic person within your radar. Here are a few characteristics they exhibit:
1Slippery
Toxic people can be very slippery not in the sense that they have well oiled skin, but in that they never take responsibility for their actions. Most of them don't have the word sorry in their dictionaries and when they wrong you, they will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for what they have done. They often change the story around so that you find yourself apologising for something that they did. Techniques used include minimalising the damage and claiming that you are simply over reacting and it was never such a big deal and manipulation where they will instead get hurt that you are confronting or you are offended and use this against you until you find youself apologising. Toxic people dont feel any form of remorse in using a thing you had entrusted to them as a secret to bring you down. Anything goes as long as they win and they don't take responsibility for their actions.
2. Problem Makers
Toxic people like to make problematic situations. They have no desire to fix problems. If you bring up an issue that you want to discuss, they immediately get defensive and start cutting you down. They use everything they have to make you feel small and they won't stop until you are clearly hurt. This when they will feel safe to open up to you since they prefer you to be weak and vulnerable. They are often very unreasonable and like to fly off the handle while giving arguements that logically don't add up.
3. Projecting
Unhealthy people often use projecting to avoid owning up to their emotions and feelings. They like behaving in passive-aggressive manners to get your attention. When you confront them for the passive aggression, they will reply with something as mundane as 'nothing is the matter'. At this point, they will project their feelings on you. Lets say they are angry with you, they will tell you 'I dont know why you are angry with me, I told you nothing is wrong' you see what they have done there, now you are the one who is angry.
4. FoereverUnhappy
A toxic person can never be happy for you. When ever you move forward in life, they will always focus on how this makes them feel less. A classic reply, 'I'm so happy for you that you have moved to that new appartment, unlike us who are still in the gutters' or they may just focus on the negative altogether e.g. 'moving to a new apartment just because you got a new job will make you broke'. They forever prey upon your energy, they believe that the world is so unfair to them and everyone is out to get them and hurt them. Since they don't take responsibility for anything, they prefer to blame everyone else in their lives for being so cruel and ununderstanding.
Toxic people are all around us and it is so hard to catch them because they dont take responsibility for their actions. Always examine your relationships to see if the people you allow in your life are healthy.
Thursday, 28 July 2016
How to be Perfect: Five Basic Steps
As human beings, we are forever flawed with our imperfections and the futility of achieving impeccability. Being perfect may be a desire that comes from an underlying desire to be loved or accepted or to some, it is a way of life, a discipline that helps them define who they are. All in all, perfection is profoundly elusive but in pursuing it, we get to make ourselves better individuals. So you want to be perfect, try these:
1. Grooming and Image
Always ensure you are well groomed and presentable. Take a bath daily and use antiperspirant. Practice good dental hygiene and ensure your hair is always clean and smelling fresh. Get a scent that you like and apply it sparingly. Wear clothes that fit perfectly and are stylish without being indecent. Ensure that you are always groomed to perfection. This is because many people will judge you based on the first impression they get from your dressing and hygiene.
2. Practice Moderation
Be moderate and proper in everything you do. Don't drink too much, you may end up doing things you will regret later. Do not eat too much and maintain a good exercise regimen so as to be fit and healthy. Refrain from using curse words in public, it gives people the wrong impression. Don't watch too much internet pornography, it will make your sexual senses dull. Have sex, but don't get addicted to it. Refrain from doing drugs altogether. They impair your judgement.
3. Work on your Relationships
Have good relationships with your friends and be loyal and dependable. Reach out to as many friends as possible and plan activities. Host sleepovers, go to a museum, call unexpectedly every now and then to check up on them. Friends help build a good support structure around you and this keeps you emotionally balanced. Be kind to strangers and old people but be firm too lest someone takes advantage of your kindness. Smile, a lot and let it reach your eyes. Be sincere without being nasty or hurtful. Get a Boyfriend or girlfriend, fall in love; but don't expect anyone to love you, even your children. This way, they can love you if they want. Cuddle a lot, it relieves stress and produces dopamine which helps us bond and happy. Tell the truth as much as possible. Lies will complicate your relationships. Above all, remember that humans are imperfect so don't expect much from them. When they deliver less than you expected, be understanding.
4. Put in Effort
Work hard in everything you do. Try the best you can in school and have the highest grades possible. Good grades look good in a transcript but also have an interest in what you are learning and a love for knowledge. Get a job, be competent at it. Practice understanding with your boss and manage relationships in your work environment accordingly to avoid complications.
5. Work on You
Cultivate happiness and gratification from within. It is unwise to give the tools of your happiness to another so learn how to make yourself happy. Enjoy the simple pleasures of life like the feeling of fresh sheets against your skin, the cool breeze blowing across your face, warm water on your skin. Appreciate the small things. Get in touch with the child inside you. Dance, even though you can't, sing, even though it's off key. Try out a new hobby and be active. Go to the theatres to watch 3 Dimensional movies, cherish the sensation. Watch the sunset and moon, marvel at the stars and allow yourself to feel small compared to their celestial brilliance.
6. Posture and Comportment
Ensure that you sit with your back straight and shoulders back. Avoid hunching and always hold your head up while you walk. Speak confidently and carry yourself with grace and poise. Avoid having emotional outbursts in public and never cry in front of people you don't trust. It is important not to be too preoccupied with what people think about you but to maintain a crisp clear image in the public. Be careful who you share your dirty laundry with, it is not wise to have your private affairs be public knowledge. Be courteous but maintain healthy boundaries with people you don't feel comfortable with. Handle conflict in a civilised and mature manner especially while in public. Never ever let anyone cut you down. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Tell them kindly and firmly to back off!
Most important of all, if you fail, forgive yourself and remind yourself that you are human. Then try again.
1. Grooming and Image
Always ensure you are well groomed and presentable. Take a bath daily and use antiperspirant. Practice good dental hygiene and ensure your hair is always clean and smelling fresh. Get a scent that you like and apply it sparingly. Wear clothes that fit perfectly and are stylish without being indecent. Ensure that you are always groomed to perfection. This is because many people will judge you based on the first impression they get from your dressing and hygiene.
2. Practice Moderation
Be moderate and proper in everything you do. Don't drink too much, you may end up doing things you will regret later. Do not eat too much and maintain a good exercise regimen so as to be fit and healthy. Refrain from using curse words in public, it gives people the wrong impression. Don't watch too much internet pornography, it will make your sexual senses dull. Have sex, but don't get addicted to it. Refrain from doing drugs altogether. They impair your judgement.
3. Work on your Relationships
Have good relationships with your friends and be loyal and dependable. Reach out to as many friends as possible and plan activities. Host sleepovers, go to a museum, call unexpectedly every now and then to check up on them. Friends help build a good support structure around you and this keeps you emotionally balanced. Be kind to strangers and old people but be firm too lest someone takes advantage of your kindness. Smile, a lot and let it reach your eyes. Be sincere without being nasty or hurtful. Get a Boyfriend or girlfriend, fall in love; but don't expect anyone to love you, even your children. This way, they can love you if they want. Cuddle a lot, it relieves stress and produces dopamine which helps us bond and happy. Tell the truth as much as possible. Lies will complicate your relationships. Above all, remember that humans are imperfect so don't expect much from them. When they deliver less than you expected, be understanding.
4. Put in Effort
Work hard in everything you do. Try the best you can in school and have the highest grades possible. Good grades look good in a transcript but also have an interest in what you are learning and a love for knowledge. Get a job, be competent at it. Practice understanding with your boss and manage relationships in your work environment accordingly to avoid complications.
5. Work on You
Cultivate happiness and gratification from within. It is unwise to give the tools of your happiness to another so learn how to make yourself happy. Enjoy the simple pleasures of life like the feeling of fresh sheets against your skin, the cool breeze blowing across your face, warm water on your skin. Appreciate the small things. Get in touch with the child inside you. Dance, even though you can't, sing, even though it's off key. Try out a new hobby and be active. Go to the theatres to watch 3 Dimensional movies, cherish the sensation. Watch the sunset and moon, marvel at the stars and allow yourself to feel small compared to their celestial brilliance.
6. Posture and Comportment
Ensure that you sit with your back straight and shoulders back. Avoid hunching and always hold your head up while you walk. Speak confidently and carry yourself with grace and poise. Avoid having emotional outbursts in public and never cry in front of people you don't trust. It is important not to be too preoccupied with what people think about you but to maintain a crisp clear image in the public. Be careful who you share your dirty laundry with, it is not wise to have your private affairs be public knowledge. Be courteous but maintain healthy boundaries with people you don't feel comfortable with. Handle conflict in a civilised and mature manner especially while in public. Never ever let anyone cut you down. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Tell them kindly and firmly to back off!
Most important of all, if you fail, forgive yourself and remind yourself that you are human. Then try again.
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